Change is scary

Gareth and I have just bought our first home. We move in just under two weeks. It’s a pretty big deal for us. We’ve been hunting on and off for years. It’s been challenging to say the least: saving for a deposit to match Auckland’s rapidly rising house prices, finding somewhere that meets our requirements (dog, home-brewery, office, not cramped in), and not becoming financially crippled in the process. But we did it!

I’m particularly excited. My parents owned their own home when I was very little. I don’t remember it much, but it was in one of the worst areas of Auckland. After they sold that place and moved north, we lived in rentals. When I moved back to Auckland, I lived with my grandparents. Then I went flatting, followed by more rentals when Gareth and I moved in together. I don’t feel I’ve ever really had somewhere to call my own because someone else has always had ultimate control over my home. So yeah, I’m excited!

But it also feels like a big scary change. Yes, it’s greater freedom – I can knock down walls and paint them if I like and, if I don’t like the garden, I can pull it out and put a better one in, something I fully intend to do. But I can’t help approaching it with trepidation. It’ll be a whole new environment, I’ll have to find a new walking route, a supermarket that I know my way around, yoga teacher that I like. It all seems trivial and silly really, but for all my enthusiasm to travel the world, I’m a bit of a homebody at heart. This change is scary.

I happen to be reading a book about appreciative inquiry at the moment. This positive psychology approach to change recommends visualising the wonderful things about the change. That’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m floating on a lilo in my pool (did I mention we have a pool?). I’m feeding my chickens. I’m digging over my organic vege garden. I’m walking the dog I’ve always wanted but never had space for. But I wish I was there already. It’s the limbo and uncertainty in between that bothers me.

But hey, first world problems ay?! What I want to get across is that change is scary no matter how awesome it is. For now, I’m focusing on the relative peace and quiet before I’m spending every evening and weekend renovating and gardening. Plus, I should really start packing.

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